Hey Single Moms:
How is motherhood? The truth is - motherhood is tough! Every year on Mother's Day I see such awesomeness. I see you being showered with love and supported. I see your beautiful kids and I see your hard work paying off. I watch you daily and know your struggle. God knows I know first hand how challenging it is. It is an emotional rollercoaster at first, but once you get the hang of it - it's dope! Some of you are still adjusting to motherhood from a single worldview; that's okay, it can take some time. You'll get there! Others, have been there for sometime. Don't worry - your time and help will come, if you desire..
I seldom speak on the other side of motherhood because until I mastered it successfully, I had to hush. With that being said, I realize each situation is different. I'm aware that it's complex, but ultimately, this boils down to being an adult and raising a healthy child. Just like I see great triumph and positivity on Mother's Day, sadly, on Mother's Day, I see some who don't have the support, are maybe unhappy with the other party, and use the day to bash, or do everything other than invest in self. No matter what the situation or circumstances are that have caused you to become a single mother - grow! With all your might, tears, and feelings - grow! I get it ! I've felt your pain, and maybe it completely is the other parties fault, and true, maybe it's your fault too. For the sake of your child.... grow! For those dealing, I simply challenge you to grow! I've had the drama, I've seen the damage, I've picked up pieces, I've died inside watching the pain, I've had to do what I didn't want to do just to get by, and I've had to compromise with what seems like an unreasonable person. I've dealt and deal with the absence of his presence because of his choices and the choice to choose another. I've cried many nights, I've fussed and cussed, wondering how anyone could abandon such a precious gift. I've done it Gods way and still have gotten backlash. So trust me, I get it.
One thing for sure, single moms have it tough for sure, but if you're able to co-parent DO IT! If that MAN WANTS a relationship with his CHILD, and is trying, give it to the child. Even if it pisses your entire life off. Do it for your child. Even if he doesn't do it your way. Do it for the child. Even if the MONEY isn't right - do it for the child. Moms, it's your responsibility to make it happen for your baby, that money isn't going to "give" your child the necessary components they need from their dad! Should they be accountable - sure! Even when he simply can't get it together - something is better than NOTHING - trust me, I know! Why?! Because you and your child deserve that. You need the break and the child needs to know where and who they come from. They need to be able to identify with their father. The child has to make a decision one way or the other and you can't shield them from the hurt or pain that the situation may bring. Don't deny your child because you're in your feelings. Don't risk losing the trust, bond, and maybe the child in the long run. Remember, eventually the child grows up and ill hear both sides. They will still see it from a child's perspective. The last thing you want to do is have the child conflicted and choosing who was right and who was wrong. That child deserves the other party - despite your relationship status. That child deserves a fair shot at a relationship even if the other party isn't doing it the way you like.
Now: here's a disclaimer -- By all means, you have to protect your kids. I'm not saying don't put bumpers in place, I'm also not saying, don't enforce rules. You have to use judgment, and you have to be wise. Yes, there are of course boundaries, and sometimes, further discussions must be had! But THIS IS REAL & RAW - ask yourself are you protecting your child from a "real threat" or are you controlling or manipulating a situation based on an emotion? Are you keeping the child away simply because you can, because it gets back at the other party? Are you hurting someone else because they hurt you? Are you pissed he isn't with you! Are you mad at her? Honestly, It's not her fault... she has no obligation to you!! She won't see it your way because you're likely NOT being logical. What's the root issue?! Deal and move on for the sake of the child - simply grow. It's the parent in you right?! Sometimes you have to push your pride and emotions aside for your child (if this is an option - do it) meaning, if the other party is not toxic, violent, abusive, a danger, with "the child" and respectfully acknowledges the safety rules for the child - then be the example for your child. We simply have to grow in this area!
There are many women out there that wish, the man cared- myself included. They wish the woman cared as much as I would care. No, it's not an ideal situation for you. Sure, you didn't want to have a baby alone, no, you don't get it, but it happens. You can't control someone else but you can shape your future for someone else. Don't be the reason your child grows up with another hurt, or daddy issues simply because you intervened and implemented policies, that were articulated and decided on based upon temporary emotions. Do your future self a favor. Do your children's future a favor - and simply grow.